nfl – uncoy https://uncoy.com (many) winters in vienna. theatre, dance, poetry. and some politics. Wed, 01 Sep 2021 11:38:37 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.1 https://uncoy.com/images/2017/07/cropped-uncoy-logo-nomargin-1-32x32.png nfl – uncoy https://uncoy.com 32 32 Washington Redskins, WFT, Washington Football Team: All Potential New Names Sorted by Category https://uncoy.com/2021/05/renaming-washington-redskins.html https://uncoy.com/2021/05/renaming-washington-redskins.html#respond Mon, 03 May 2021 23:48:53 +0000 https://uncoy.com/?p=3436 Washington Redskins, WFT, Washington Football Team: All Potential New Names Sorted by Category

There's some very inventive and funny (mostly satirical) names suggested. They fall into several categories: Political Serious, Political Satiric, Animal, Roman.

Continue reading Washington Redskins, WFT, Washington Football Team: All Potential New Names Sorted by Category at uncoy.

]]>
The Woke have been advocating for a name change to one of sports most historic and valuable brands, the Washington Redskins. I just happen to be a fan of the Redskins since high school. Our local quarterback, Joe Theismann moved down to DC and won a Super Bowl for Washington. Star Argonauts running back Terry Metcalf also made the trip down to DC but only lasted a year. The next year Theismann’s leg was snapped in two but with the indefatigable Hall of Fame coach Joe Gibbs it was next man up, with two more Super Bowls won in relatively short order.

I’m a great advocate for Native rights. There’s no excuse in the world for the genocide wreaked on Native Americans by both Americans and British (Canadians were British in those days). The Redskins name and logo were a reminder to me of the proud past of Native Americans before the white man arrived with his fire sticks and his fences.

Any name change does not sit well with me. Right now the Redskins are running with WFT, or the Washington Football Team. As per se, this is not really a name change (the colours have remained burgundy and gold). Hence I’m still on board. WFT or more usually read WTF team is quite amusing.

There’s been a lot of talk about the name options and here’s most of what people have come up with. There’s some very inventive and funny (mostly satirical) names suggested. They fall into several categories: Political Serious, Political Satiric, Animal, Roman.

Political Names – Serious

The first suggestion is very serious but honestly it’s the funniest of all.

Washington Feds. The new America’s Team. And everyone could hate Washington. The Feds are coming to town. Smash the Feds. Run the Feds into the ground. Destroy the Feds. Bury the Feds.

RBSchultz suggests:

How about the Washington Bandits. That fits with what most Americans think of the politicians in D.C. Steal from the poor and ill represented and give to the rich.

Washington Feds has that covered Rob. Another serious but very dull name would be the Washington Americans. Far too generic, meaningless.

Political Names – Satiric

Lots to choose from here.

  • Washington Riots.
  • Washington Insurrection.
  • Washington Revolution.

Or simply:

The Washington Insurrectionists, they will lie, burn, loot and desecrate until the game is won.

In a similar vein, Washington Red Ink.

Or going for the might of DC and its military: Washington Nukes. According to dolph924.

The “Nukes.” Short and easy for headline writers to spell. Associated with Washington. Connotes power and devastation of opponents.

With Americans so unhinged these last eight years, one can’t tell if they are joking or not any more.

Or they could just go for the Washington Woke as they are the ones advocating a name change. Here’s an idea for the mascot:

Animal mascots

We could start with a mythical animal. DC Dragons. The burgundy and gold could still work here. For some reason the Washington Rottweilers made me snicker, as it’s so in your face. Probably not, but “who are you playing tonight”. Answer “the Rottweilers” has a certain panache.

Red Tails is popular with many but they couldn’t be football fans. As TruthTeller04 says:

Red Tails sounds like porno even though its the name of a WWII Black fighter squadron which most people wouldn’t know or associate with.

30yr-Army-COL is even less optimistic about what would happen with this name:

Unfortunately, Red Tails invites too many cheap headline jokes with every loss .. “Reds Get Tails Whipped” … “Tails Red After Spanking” … need I go on?

A more serious suggestion:

Red Hawks is the best name. We actually have both red tailed hawks and I see red shouldered hawks every day as I walk in the woods. It would scan equally well. They could fly in a hawk to start each game.

Red Hawks is a noble name which answers existing traditions and has an easy mascot/logo. Great idea.

Roman style names

There’s a Roman push as well:

  • Washington Gladiators
  • Washington Legion
  • Washington Centurions

Roman could work as red and burgundy figures big in historical movies about Ancient Rome. I don’t like Gladiators or Legion much but the WFT could easily put a centurion logo on the side of the helmet. Has a stupid American Empire type of brute forcce ring to it. It works.

Artwork created by Juan Garcia Forn

Washington Warriors. Originally I thought but that would just be jumping back into the pseudo-racism wars. PaolasMax offers a solution for Warriors:

Warriors with a Greek Hoplite soldier on the helmet. I doubt Greeks will be offended and football will always be a violent game.

Washington Warriors is powerful.

Who and what is behind the name change

The name change is about erasing Native Americans:

Also will we keep the fight song? I love it, but doesn’t it have a Native American tinge to it (especially in the verse)? The chorus is ok but when you sing the “Run or pass and score, we want a lot more” part of the verse the tune turns into a heavy drum and trumpet sound synonymous with a Native American war chant. If we want to get rid of any connections to Native Americans we might have to say goodbye to the song. I know this will hurt some as it makes me sad to type about it. Maybe we just keep the chorus tune as is and update the verse tune to sound less like a war chant as we’ll be updating the lyrics to possibly fit a new team name any ways.

So who wants this name change? Is it Native Indians? Certainly not.

It’s black activists (half of those are pimply, angry, unhealthy, excessively tattoed whites) are the ones advocating for the name change. Native Americans offer serious competition for discrimination and reparations. Have to push those Navajos out of the way one way or the other.

Native Americans are not against the Redskins franchise or name. Or at least not until busloads of activists had insisted they be insisted. Noka Lucien writes about the original columnist McCartney:

Give Robert credit; while he regularly opined against the Redskins name, when the study commissioned by his paper showed a majority of the American Indians approved of the name, he penned a column stating he stood corrected.

Sticksandstones carves a sharp point on the stick:

Or maybe all the people “offended” are the thinnest skinned people in the world. Maybe the fact that White liberals are bothered by this more than Native Americans (7% at the last survey) shows that all of this slur talk is just stupid virtue signaling. Changing the Redskins is as stupid as changing the Bullets to the Wizards because of violence in DC. Like the name change has helped people from being shot in DC; give me a break.

When someone suggested asking Native Americans what they think first, Angel astutely pointed out:

Why would Native Americans have a say in the new name? The majority didn’t have a say when Washington Redskins was dropped.

Changing the name was a bad idea. It’s not too late to go back. I’m an advocate of the generic name for another five or ten years until the pendulum swings back and the Redskins name and logo can be added back. The dark years could just be forgotten.

New name already decided?

Chuck L. Head takes a cynical view of the whole process:

Anyone who thinks them asking the fans input at this point is more than smoke and mirrors is naive to say the least. They haven’t been NOT working to get the rights to what name they want for over a year. The decision was made long ago and it’s the legal rebranding details that are the long lead items. Plus new uniform designs and stadium rework and the like.

The original planned alternate name was reported to have been the Warriors keeping the colors and logo. Info is they lost out on a lot of the rights stuff and were in a real conflict with the GS Warriors and such. That was shortly after the decision to change as it had been the backup plan for years. The knew the odds were they were eventually going to have to make the change.

So they have already decided what the new name will be and are getting all of their legal ducks in a row before coming out with the big splash as to the new name. The fan poll is no more than the misdirection nonsense the Wizards did when they changed their name. They could care less what the fans think. It’s all marketing and legal wrangling.

I think Chuck is wrong and the debate is still live. There’s three or four top candidates with a favourite but the final die has not been cast.

What name would retain this Redskin fan

The best choice would be to go back to Redskins, which pays hommage to Native Americans and keeps their history in the public eye. Next choices would be Washington Wolves (without the Red). Colours stay the same. People consider the politicians in DC to be wolves, the residents seem to roam and attack like wolves. Very fitting all around and is short and strong.

Photo by Sonja Pauen

Next choice Washington Warriors with the Greek hoplite shield on the side of the helmet. Final choice Washington Centurions with a Roman style centurion helmet as logo, with just the plume on the top of the helmet.

Which of these would I accept to continue as a Redskins fan?

  • Redskins (of course)
  • Wolves
  • Red Hawks
  • Warriors

Not a huge fan of Rome or empires so not sure I’d stay on for the Centurions, though I think the name and design is fine in itself. Red Wolves originally I liked but seems a weak compromise without much personality. I’d probably accept it. On the other hand, Red Tails sounds like deer or a brothel and not a football team. Definitely an ex-Redskin fan in that case.

]]>
https://uncoy.com/2021/05/renaming-washington-redskins.html/feed 0
Does Dwayne Haskins have any value as an NFL quarterback? https://uncoy.com/2020/12/nfl-value-dwayne-haskins.html https://uncoy.com/2020/12/nfl-value-dwayne-haskins.html#respond Tue, 29 Dec 2020 13:36:50 +0000 https://uncoy.com/?p=3300 Does Dwayne Haskins have any value as an NFL quarterback?

Haskins has a market of one. Will Mike Tomlinson take a flyer on Haskins? Will Big Ben share his secrets of how to succeed as an NFL quarterback with limited intellect very little mobility and a lazy attitude?

Continue reading Does Dwayne Haskins have any value as an NFL quarterback? at uncoy.

]]>
If you don’t follow NFL football, quite a big – and surprising – event took place on the Washington Redskins. First round draft pick from 2019 (pick 15!) Dwayne Haskins was cut/waived. Before week 15 of 2020, the Redskins just needed to beat the Seattle Seahawks to nigh on clinch a division title. Veteran QB Alex Smith had been injured and Haskins had his second opportunity to earn a starting job. Haskins played poorly, throwing two interceptions to lose a game that the defense had otherwise won, holding Russell Wilson to 20 points.

After that home game, Haskins went out to a local strip club to celebrate his girlfriend’s birthday in his Bentley (the car of choice for criminal department store owners and first round draft picks). Highlight from the ill advised How Dwayne Haskins Spent His First $1M video below: “The first thing I asked my agent, like ‘I’m drafted now so when do I get paid’.”

[fvplayer id=”3″]

When the photos came out on social media of Haskins in the strip club and hanging in an expensive hotel room with six party girls, scandal erupted.


Dwayne Haskins in DC strip club after loss to Seahawks

Party girls in #7 Haskins Joe Theismann Redskins jerseys

If the Redskins had won the game, thanks to Haskins amazing play, no doubt team management and fans would have been forgiving. On the other hand, Haskins lost a big game due to poor preparation. He should have been going home to study the playbook, think about what he can do better.

When Haskins’ strip club sortie story broke on Tuesday 22 December, many argued that Haskins should have been suspended or cut immediately.

The Cleveland Browns, the Baltimore Ravens and the Denver Broncos have all lost games due to position devastation due to Covid-19 quarantine. For his selfish pleasure, Haskins risked making it impossible for the Redskins to win a division title. As many people have pointed out, Washington head coach Ron Rivera recently completed chemotherapy and is high risk of dying of Covid-19 if he contracts it. This is Haskins’ second significant Covid protocol violation.

With Alex Smith unable to play due to injury, Kyle Allen out for the season and just some developmental rookies on the practice squad, Rivera decided it would be better to fine Haskins, take away his captaincy and play him on December 27 against his old team, the Carolina Panthers.

“It gave us our best chance to win, it wouldn’t be fair to the other 52 players not to take our best chance.

It was Haskins last chance to shine and earn a third chance at becoming the Redskins starting QB. His head again was not in the game. After throwing two interceptions, fumbling the ball and earning a passer rating of 36.9 (70 is the start of acceptable, 90 is the target), Haskins was pulled. His journeyman replacement who was studying mathematics at night school at Old Dominion, came in to throw for a touchdown and bring the Redskins to within one touchdown in the 20-13 loss (passer rating 102) in less than a quarter.

[fvplayer id=”4″]

There are a few brave souls out there willing to defend Haskins. rct writes:

For everyone mocking him and writing him off after only 13 starts, go look at his stats, then compare them to another ‘project’ first-round QB’s stats: Josh Allen’s. Haskins through 13 games played way better than Allen did in his rookie season. The difference? The Bills properly developed Allen, surrounded him with talent and leadership and good coaching, and now in his third season, he’s flourishing. WFT decided not to do any of that and now they’ve officially wasted a first round pick.

It’s not the play which got Haskins canned – heavens now, teams don’t just throw away a first round pick – it’s the attitude. I guess you haven’t watched many Redskins games this year. Haskins has been pouting at the sidelines in most of them. Or last year, interacting with the fans. Haskins doesn’t want to learn: he never needed to up until now. He was the star because he could throw a football sixty yards and take an NCAA hit.

Succeeding in the NFL takes a lot more work. Everyone is a star. The only two QB’s in the NFL who could still start without hard work would be Aaron Rodgers and Patrick Mahomes. Their natural gifts and feel for the game are high enough. And you’ll probably find that both of them still work very hard at the job of being QB.

One more exception – and this one suggests that sometime somewhere there’s hope that Haskins might play again – Big Ben on the Steelers doesn’t train in the off-season, doesn’t watch his diet and often doesn’t practice. And he has a history of making off the field mistakes as well. Roethlisberger also has a history of poisoning the atmosphere with hard-working and dedicated teammates. Despite some big games, the Killer Bees were dysfunctional as a group. Not sure how much of that to pin on Big Ben.

Roethlisberger did openly come out in an interview in 2018 and say he would never mentor a young QB for the Steelers (Mason Rudolph was the candidate at that time).

There is a chance for a Haskins rebound somewhere. Based on his (in)ability to read a defense and his reluctance to prepare for a game, it would have to be a simple scheme with a rock solid offensive line out in front of him. The old game of QB statue features only two starters at this point, Ben Roethlisberger and Philip Rivers (reviewing the stats, Brees and Brady are not pure pocket passers but limited mobility QB’s who don’t often rush but who regularly move around outside of the pocket). So it’s a rare team that who would want a QB like Dwayne Haskins. There are still two, the Steelers and the Colts.

The Colts immobile QB scheme doesn’t consistently work and they probably don’t want to double down on it when Rivers leaves at the end of this year or next. That leaves just Mike Tomlinson and the Pittsburgh Steelers as a market of one. With a bit of effort young Haskins will feel right at home and even enjoy veteran mentorship, though Haskins best potential contract and lifestyle mentor has moved on.

Seriously though, for now, Haskins has a market of one. Will Mike Tomlinson take a flyer on Haskins? Will Big Ben share his secrets of how to succeed as an NFL quarterback with limited intellect, very little mobility and a lazy attitude?

]]>
https://uncoy.com/2020/12/nfl-value-dwayne-haskins.html/feed 0
In praise of local sports https://uncoy.com/2020/09/in-praise-of-local-sports.html https://uncoy.com/2020/09/in-praise-of-local-sports.html#respond Tue, 08 Sep 2020 10:24:54 +0000 https://uncoy.com/?p=2968&preview=true&preview_id=2968 In praise of local sports

"Someone reminded me that I had been given only so many fall afternoons." Spend them better on your local sports team than on antisocial pros.

Continue reading In praise of local sports at uncoy.

]]>
Apparently, MLB Ratings are down. No surprise, as demeaning and demonising their own fans is unlikely to be popular. ghengis86 makes a great point about supporting local sports events instead:

I’m lucky enough to be in a state where Pop Warner and High School football are playing. I have always coached my boys and gave up season tickets to NFL for them but this is just more proof that you need to dump pro sports and support your local kids. The games are great, you spend way less money, you get to know your neighbors, Nobody AND I MEAN NOBODY kneels, they play the anthem, the cheerleaders cheer and you have a few beers with your friends afterwards no matter the outcome and you pat your kid on the back. Fuck the NFL, NBA, MLB, the lot of them.
Drater puts a sharper point on it:
I won’t give one second or one penny to any group of people that hate me because of my skin color.
Racism can definitely cut both ways. Open discrimination against white people and attacks on Western culture is no more acceptable to many of us than out and out discrimination against blacks or asians or North American Indians. Across the board support for riots and looting by major league sports and its players has out and out angered some, like Snaffew, causing them to grow reactionary in their thinking.
This is what happens when you give $300 million dollar contracts to illiterate black players….they feel like the money has made them intelligent and given them a platform for their brain dead thinking. The past year has turned me from neutral to being racist, at least to those that support this ridiculous crusade of incompetence.
If Covid-19 encourages even a third of the passive fans of major sports to do more exercise or support local sports instead, it will have done some good for the general health and well-being of the US. Rockstone talks about the long term life costs of pro sports:
Gave up on sports years ago. They just got boring. The last to go was football. It’s too long a story but someone reminded me that I had been given only so many fall afternoons. I never looked back although like most people, I could enjoy a good Super Bowl party. Now that’s no longer a priority and I’ve been given one more Sunday to do something whatever else I like. It’s a good life.
On my end, the NFL has made it easy for me. The Washington Redskins, the team I followed in high school and until recentl, no longer exists. In Toronto when Joe Theismann successfully made the transition from Argonauts CFL all star to Super Bowl winning quarterback, I became a lifelong Redskins fan. The proud Indian logo and the pride in the name Redskins and the team’s location at the center of American politics both honoured and served as a reminder about the existence Native Americans. Without the Redskins, Washington and the United States are free to forget those dark chapters of US history, the Trail of Tears and the Indian Wars, where on a Federal Mandate the Plains Buffalo was hunted from 60 million to extinction to be ensure the Plains Indians perished with it. “Kill every buffalo you can! Every buffalo dead is an Indian gone.” Now the Redskins are gone too, out of sight and out of mind.

Photo by Alec Kinnear. SC Kittsee vs Apetlon.

]]>
https://uncoy.com/2020/09/in-praise-of-local-sports.html/feed 0
Monuments, Heroes of Our Time and Ozymandias https://uncoy.com/2020/07/monuments-heroes-of-our-time-and-ozymandias.html https://uncoy.com/2020/07/monuments-heroes-of-our-time-and-ozymandias.html#respond Thu, 02 Jul 2020 12:33:32 +0000 https://uncoy.com/?p=2771&preview=true&preview_id=2771 Monuments, Heroes of Our Time and Ozymandias

Happily, words endure longer, better support the blows and admonishments of crazed radicals, than bronze and stone.

Continue reading Monuments, Heroes of Our Time and Ozymandias at uncoy.

]]>

Ozymandias is one of the great poems of the English language, even if Shelley was a confused, womanising wife-swapper who drove his first wife to suicide.

...on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Craig Murray, indefatigable Scots nationalist,1 invoked Ozymandias to characterise the BLM iconoclasm: Ultimately, All Monuments are Ozymandias – Craig Murray. No great man and no great woman lives without feet of clay. We are all hypocrites and heroes of our time, more than most.

When Horatio Nelson helped to “free” the Kingdom of the Sicilies from Napoleon and restore its appalling autocratic monarchy, Neapolitan writers and intellectuals were shot and hung on Nelson’s flagship, anchored off Naples so the mob could not intervene to save them. Nelson watched some of the executions between bouts of shagging Lady Hamilton. I do not recommend toppling Nelson’s column; but I do advocate some real information about him in an education centre under the square.

Evidently the monuments to Nelson will need to come down, as the most Noble Lord Horatio Nelson, Viscount and Baron Nelson, of the Nile and of Burnham Thorpe in the County of Norfolk, Baron Nelson of the Nile and of Hilborough in the said County, Knight of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Vice Admiral of the White Squadron of the Fleet, Commander in Chief of his Majesty’s Ships and Vessels in the Mediterranean, Duke of Bronté in the Kingdom of Sicily, Knight Grand Cross of the Sicilian Order of St Ferdinand and of Merit, Member of the Ottoman Order of the Crescent, Knight Grand Commander of the Order of St Joachim is a murderer of journalists and an agent of tyranny.

Curiously, despite Admiral Nelson’s invaluable service to the Crown, first his mistress, then his beloved daughter Horatio struggled to stay out of bankruptcy prison.

The one-time favour of dukes and kings availed her naught. Her time and her protector had passed on.

Lady Hamilton as Circe (1782) by George Romney

When will all the monuments to Shelley himself to be torn down? While we are at it, shall we tear down the monuments and cancel the university courses dedicated to the study of his brilliant wife’s masterwork, Frankenstein?

There’s an excellent film, chronicling some of the excitement of the Shelleys relationship and their relationship with Lord Byron (who had a daughter with Mary Shelley’s half-sister):

[fvplayer src=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-WGaZaojFc” splash=”https://i.ytimg.com/vi/T-WGaZaojFc/maxresdefault.jpg” caption=”Mary Shelley – Official Trailer I HD I IFC Films”]

Almost everyone in the Shelleys social circles has earned vilification. Lordy Byron in particular forcibly separated a child from its mother, Allegra, who without adequate love or care perished at five. There will be no one left to admire, no one left standing. Like a Western Taliban, we have turned upon ourselves and our culture.

Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies

Happily, words endure longer, better support the blows and admonishments of crazed radicals, than bronze and stone.

Who will be left to admire? On whom should we model ourselves? Apparently no one.

While some might argue that unhappy slaves and bloodthirsty revolutionaries would be better role models – the mythical proletarian hero of the Soviets – even those hide crimes in their past. Unfortunate George Floyd apparently once-brandished a pistol at a pregnant woman and committed armed robbery. Would adulterous pro athletes or violence-glorifying, women-abasing rap stars better societal models than these imperfect men and women from our past?

Everyone is a hero somewhere. Terror and scourge of Europe, Attila the Hun is a great leader to Hungarians and the founder of that nation. His name remains one of the most popular in the land.

So no one, it is then. What sad and dreary self-loathing folk, Western Europeans and Anglophones have become. Their sole mission now to acquire and consume. With neither vision nor heroes only the sands of time await.


  1. Ironically Murray was long at the service of Her Majesty the Queen yet now he is currently being hoisted by his own petard and by his own people. Help him fight back if you will. ↩︎

  2. Image of Attila the Hun at Heroes Square Budapest, Millenium Monument courtesy of Mr G’s Travels, image of Nelson over Trafalgar Square, courtesy of Colin Busby, both CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

]]>
https://uncoy.com/2020/07/monuments-heroes-of-our-time-and-ozymandias.html/feed 0
Which NFL Teams Can Afford to Sign Kirk Cousins: Almost No One https://uncoy.com/2018/02/nfl-teams-kirk-cousins.html https://uncoy.com/2018/02/nfl-teams-kirk-cousins.html#respond Tue, 27 Feb 2018 12:27:17 +0000 https://uncoy.com/?p=2476 Which NFL Teams Can Afford to Sign Kirk Cousins: Almost No One

This year Kirk Cousins is truly a free agent so it's up to him to choose: money or glory. Is Cousins just an accountant with a good throwing arm?

Continue reading Which NFL Teams Can Afford to Sign Kirk Cousins: Almost No One at uncoy.

]]>
Who can afford Kirk Cousins?

Almost no one. Someone at ProFootballRumors.com suggested Arizona would be a great landing spot for Cousins:

Cousins belongs in Arizona. He could be a big part of putting that team in a position to compete deep into the playoffs. Him, Fitz and David Johnson along with that defense would be tough. Cousins would make the other speedy receivers better. It’s a perfect fit.

Indeed Kirk Cousins would be a good football fit in Arizona with a ready made team who is strong defensively and who have been playing well despite dreadful quarterback play. There is not too much pressure on him as Arizona is used to not doing very well historically. Sadly Arizona does not have the cap space to pay Cousins. There’s only $22 million there and if you go over the roster, cutting some of the high cap players would actually result in increased cap charges. Some of the players who would have to go to sign Cousins, along with the cap savings by cutting them now:

  • Patrick Peterson CB $10m
  • Antoine Bethea S $3.5m
  • Tyrann Mathieu S $5m
  • Josh Mauro DE $2.8m
  • Deone Bucannon IL $8.7m

On offense you have:

  • Jared Veldheer RT $7m
  • Mike Lupati LG $6m

So to sign Cousins Arizona would either have to destroy its championship defence or cripple its offensive line. The only one of those players without millions in dead cap space if you cut them is Deone Bucannon. The only palatable choice on the table would be to start trading away those top players with contracts which match their performance for draft picks. Good luck getting value when the other GM’s know how desperate you are to unload high paid stars.

Having $6 million in dead cap to a departed quarterback (Carson Palmer) doesn’t help.

If Cousins were more interested in winning than being the highest paid player in NFL football (without the resumé to merit it), Arizona would be a more realistic option. Tyrod Taylor is a more realistic option and could do very well in Arizona.

Who can afford Kirk Cousins then

There are very few teams with a quarterback need and realistic free cap space to sign Cousins. I put the starting point north of $50m in free cap space, as teams have other needs than just quarterback including signing their own free agents. I count just six.

In available cap order:

  • Cleveland Browns: $101m. I’m far from convinced Cleveland’s number one need is quarterback as I respect Kizer even if GM Dorsey doesn’t. Cleveland is so far away from being a playoff team, spending this kind of money on a pocket passer seems silly. Cleveland still needs a mobile quarterback who can extend plays. With all those draft picks, Cleveland could just draft one and pick up a veteran to coach the young guys. I’m not sure who the best coaching backup quarterback in the NFL is now, but Cleveland should hire him. Veteran Kaepernick would be a nice temporary fit in Cleveland to coach the young quarterbacks but many of Cleveland’s blue collar fans might not agree with me.
  • Indianapolis Colts: $74m. QB Andrew Luck is coming off of a season away and a chronic shoulder injury. Replacement QB Jacoby Brissett rarely looked promising in 2017. If Andrew Luck won’t be healthy this year, Cousins offers a ready made big pocket passer to replace Luck. The two could substitute in and out interchangeably. Luck is already expensive though and having two of the top paid quarterbacks on the same roster would be very strange. The Colts know a lot more about Luck’s shoulder than we do though and they have the cap space. Perhaps another season of rest (which could include working as the number two quarterback) would be better for Luck, leaving the Colts to trade away either Luck or Cousins in a year.
  • New York Jets: $73m. Lots of money and a clear need. Still if the NYJ want to spend funny money on a quarterback ($30m) Drew Brees is on the market. The Jets are far from ready for a playoff run and could still draft a top QB at number 6. Louisville’s Lamar Jackson would be a much more exciting option than Kirk Cousins. If Jackson crumples under NFL tackling, the losses on an NFL rookie contract aren’t terribly high. On the other hand, a Cousins contract could cripple your wealthy franchise. There are so many better ways to spend all that money. Jets management has no plans to overspend on Cousins.
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers: $78m. Tampa Bay might be able to get some decent trade value for starting QB Jameis Winston. Winston isn’t responsible for last year’s 5-11 but based on the last three seasons appears to be a small step down from Cousins. Bringing Cousins to Tampa Bay would reunite Cousins with DeSean Jackson. I see Cousins more as a southern QB so Tampa Bay would be a good fit. Winston is fighting ongoing shoulder issues and apparently doesn’t get on well with head coach Dirk Koetter. Like Luck, Jameis Winston could use a season of rest. Winston is relatively inexpensive still on his rookie contract at $8m so there would be room for Cousins’s payslip if Winston is prepared to rest a year. Winston is an alpha dog (“there’s not room on this team for the two of us” type guy) so a trade would be more likely. Buccaneer fans more attached to the former number one overall pick than Koetter so Tampa Bay would be a long shot. Cousins delights in showing up number one overall draft picks (RGIII) so he’d feel right at home in Tampa Bay.
  • Houston Texans: $64m. If Houston are still worried about Deshaun Watson’s ACL surgery, Cousins could be a great insurance policy. Cousins is a big step down from a healthy Deshaun Watson though and not the same kind of quarterback. Houston would be much better to hire Colin Kaepernick as their backup/occasional starter while Watson heals. Or alternatively look at pulling Tyrod Taylor away from the Buffalo Bills. Mobile QB’s like Kaepernick and Taylor would both substitute adequately in an offence built around Watson’s incredible skills to extend plays.
  • Chicago Bears: $51m. Number one draft pick Mitchell Trubisky hasn’t looked ready yet and would probably do better with two more years to hone his skills behind a true number one quarterback who is not Mike Glennon. The Bears could drop $10m of cap space by cutting Glennon. There’s no real upside for Cousins in coming to Chicago though. The team is still rebuilding and already has a future number one QB on the roster.
  • Minnesota Vikings: $49m. Minnesota has three starting quarterbacks on the roster, none of them healthy or in form outside of Case Keenum. While gifted when healthy, Sam Bradford is made of porcelain. Teddy Bridgewater has not played seriously in years and has not shown that he is or is not a first tier QB yet. They are all free agents. Either Keenum or Bridgewater would be a good expensive backup. Having two starter quality QB on the roster paid big dividends for the Philadelphia Eagles in 2017 when league MVP quarterback Carson Wentz went down with a knee injury and former pro bowler Nick Foles could step in and perform as Super Bowl MVP.

Neither Denver nor Jacksonville can afford Kirk Cousins

No one else, including the Jacksonville Jaguars or Cincinatti Bengals, can afford Kirk Cousins. They either have very expensive quarterbacks on guaranteed contracts (Bortles, Dalton respectively) or just don’t have enough cap space. Denver Broncos could just swing Cousins if they get rid of Aqib Talib (CB $11m) and Demaryius Thomas (WR $7.5m) or Chris Harris (CB $6.5m), Menelik Watson (RT $5m). In the Broncos favour, they don’t have any high priced QB’s riding their bench (tip of the hat to the Texans). The Buffalo Bills and the Miami Dolphins also fall into the category of teams who couldn’t afford to pick up a Kirk Cousins contract even if they wanted to.

What does Cousins say?

Kirk Cousins is interested in going to Denver. Cousins would like to go to a winning team with a strong defence and win some playoff games. Cousins has a rap to beat as a loser QB with garbage time stats. Of course that’s what Kirk Cousins says. Cousins is also certain he should be the highest paid QB in the league. As Scottie would tell Captain Kirk:

Take your pick, Captain… The engines can’t take it any more, either go to warp speed and accept less money or turn on your phasers and prepare to defend your ship.

I.e. more money with less pass protection and a weaker defence.

An Accountant with a Good Throwing Arm

So far Kirk Cousins’ approach to team play suggest he’s an accountant with an excellent throwing arm and not a team leader. It’s the intangibles which matter at the highest level in the NFL and so far Kirk Cousins hasn’t shown those.

Given that the only sure winner in the Cousins’ approach to date is his bank account, we can expect to see Cousins in Minnesota. Minnesota is the only place to both win and get paid. Cousins better hope that Case Keenum is very difficult in salary negotiations.

If Minnesota decides Keenum and Bridgewater suit them better, the only big payday out there for Cousins are the New York Jets and the Cleveland Browns. Neither of those destinations include much winning at least in the short term. If Cousins is really serious about winning and finding a place he fits, he has to scale down his salary demands and go to Denver.

Ironically enough, one talented team with enough cap space (about $50m) who would have made this until they traded for veteran Alex Smith and signed him to a long term contract is the Washington Redskins. Cousins fit into the Jay Gruden’s Washington Redskins offence as well as anywhere in the league, had he chosen to lead his team instead of holding a grudge.

This year Kirk Cousins is truly a free agent so it’s up to him to choose: money or glory. My bet is Cousins chooses money. I’d be delighted to see him surprise us.


Kirk Cousins previewed as New York Jet. Photo credit Matt Radick/The State News

]]>
https://uncoy.com/2018/02/nfl-teams-kirk-cousins.html/feed 0